Thursday 4 June 2020

How to Listen Even When It Hurts


‘It's a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we're on the way to there
Why not share?
And the load
Doesn't weigh me down at all
He ain't heavy, he's my brother’

~ sung by The Hollies ~

‘I’m a good listener. At least, that’s what my pride told me. I believed it for a long time. Even when it was clearly no longer true.’*

And so began my confession. The result of painfully peeling away the layers that hid the dirty truth. Selfishness, laziness, and a whole slew of preconceived opinions often stood in the way of me really hearing what my ‘brother’ was saying to me. Sometimes, I blamed him. He’s too loud, I’d say, or he’s using judgmental words. When he calms down, we can talk then. Other times, I’d be quick to pull an answer from my self-justification bag even before he had a chance to fully explain his position. And to be honest, many times the thought of walking in his shoes seldom crossed my mind. By stacking up obstacles and failing to listen well, I was in danger of becoming deaf to the needs of my ‘brother’.

I think built into each one of us is the longing to be heard, to be understood. It walks hand in hand with the need to be loved. When I fail to listen to my 'brother', I fail to love him well.

But the festering sore at the root was my failure to listen to God. Here’s an excerpt from my confession.

‘The disease spread to my walk with God. I would read His word and quickly forget the truths found within. You could tell it in the way I lived: not convinced. Not fully accepting who He says He is, what His intentions are, who He says I am, and how He longs for me to respond. Instead of being quick to listen, I was often painfully slow. Even worse, I loitered around instead of acting on His Word.’ *

Turns out I’m just a poor listener. But then it dawned on me, what if God listens the way I do?

What if God becomes too distracted with all the thoughts in His mind or too busy with the affairs of the world to hear me crying out to Him?

What if I am dying for Him to hear me, but He is unwilling to sacrifice the time, attention, and love that listening requires?

What if He fails to respond in love to the lament of my heart?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that if God listened the way I do, I would be without hope. It’s unbearable even to think of it.

But thankfully, God, in His mercy, assures us that He does listen. He hears, cares, and acts out of love.

‘Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.~ Psalm 116:2 ~ (ESV)

‘The LORD is near to all who call Him, to all who call on Him in truth.' ~ Psalm 145:18 ~

‘Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.’ ~ Jeremiah 29:12 ~ (ESV)

As I meditate on just how amazingly incredible it is that the Creator of the Universe is near to me and listens to me, it challenges me to ask myself how well I’m listening to my 'brother'.


Are you willing to join me?

Are you willing to do the soul-searching, messy work of exposing the obstacles that plug our hearts and ears? To be brutally honest if, hidden within the pile, we unearth a lack of empathy, a prideful hunger to be heard, and a refusal to listen past the noise?

It will be hard work, active and ongoing, often uncomfortable. But I pray that together we’ll be brave enough to clear away the debris and let the light in. My hope is that as we do, we will reflect the listening heart of God, truly listen to our brother, learn what matters to him, and love him with our actions.

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What About You?

How do you feel when someone takes the time to listen to you?

What about when they don't?

Are you a good listener? If not, what is it that stops you from listening well?

And what sacrifices will you make today to improve your listening?

God turns his ear to hear our prayers; how does that encourage you to be a better listener?

And finally, how does listening spur you to action?

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*Excerpts are taken from Devotion #25 ‘What if God Listens the Way I Do? found in my 30-day devotional book—Live Amazed-Embracing the Gifts of God in Longing, Loss, and Life. If you’re interested in learning more about Live Amazed and reading a sample chapter, please click HERE.


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Blog post Photo by 
Hian Oliveira on Unsplash

22 comments:

  1. True listening to another person is an unselfish act of love, Carlie. Yes, I could be a better listener in many ways; I'm a work in progress! So grateful that God doesn't just hear our prayers, He listens.
    Blessings!

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    1. Thanks for walking with me, Martha, we surely are all works in progress. So grateful to God for His patience in molding us and teaching us to reflect Him more.

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  2. Oh, yes, listening is so important. Not only to listen to what is said but what is not verbalized. Thank you for the reminder and sharing with Grace & Truth Link-Up.

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    1. Yes, Maree! I call it listening below the surface or beyond what is heard. May God help us as we seek to listen/love well.

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  3. Thank you for reminding me that I don't always listen like I should. I'm reminded that when we have aught against our brother, really taking the time to listen and put ourselves in their shoes makes all the difference. But your question, what if God listens like we do? Wow!!!

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    1. Yes, walking in their shoes makes so much difference in understanding and really hearing what's on their hearts. When I'm reminded about God's listening heart, I'm inspired to take the time to listen well. Blessings to you, Wendy!

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  4. Listening has taken on the dimensions and the import of a spiritual discipline for me, particularly in this season of noise. Blessings to you as well travel this road together.

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    1. Thanks, Michele! It all starts there, listening well to God. Praying that we will grow from strength to strength as we travel this road together.

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  5. I'm reading The Listening Life this year because I know my listening skills need an upgrade. Thanks for your honesty here. Truth be told, none of us are likely to be as good a listener as we like to think we are. I'm glad God listens much better!

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    1. That looks like a great book, Lisa, thanks for mentioning it. I've just pinned it to my 'Books to read' board. Blessings my friend!

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  6. I think poor listening, or unwillingness to is at the root of many of our issues. What a great post. So glad I found you at the purposeful faith link up. laurensparks.net

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    1. Thanks, Lauren! Yes, I too feel that listening well can solve so many of our issues.

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  7. I think the first step we must take to being able to listen is to turn off our inner dialogue. There are so many different kinds of conversations...some are negotiations, some are exchanges of information, some are manipulations...but if we truly want to be able to hear what another is saying, the first step is for us to shut down what we want or what we think they want and just listen to them.

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    1. And therein lies the difficulty in listening well. Praying that God will help us to listen with open hearts. Great insight; thanks for sharing.

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  8. I feel great when someone takes the time to really listen to me...to listen and tune in to every word. To hear my heart. I'm so thankful that God listens to me in the same way. He doesn't miss anything to say to him and he even hears what I can't find words to say. Make us all better listeners Lord.

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    1. Isn't that a wonderful feeling! So thankful for God's listening heart. May He grant us the ability to reflect it well in a world filled with people desperate to be heard.

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  9. As a talker, listening is the best act of love. I want to listen every moment to the Spirit which means i need to be quiet a lot more than I am. (:

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    1. Ain't that the truth, Sue? When it comes to sitting before the Lord, I need to be quiet a lot more than I am. To take the time to truly listen to His heart. Blessings as we walk this road together.

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  10. Excellent points, friend. You have taught me well. Blessings and God's peace to you. Sharing on Pinterest.

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    1. Thank you, my friend! We're learning together. :)May God continually bless our willingness to learn.

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  11. I love the way you teach us about listening by sharing parts of your own story. I wonder how many times I believe I am listening and instead I am just giving the appearance of listening. I am praying that I reflect the listening heart of God.

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    1. Thank you, Mary! Yes, that is my prayer as well, to reflect God to an aching world. May He honor our prayers.

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